How to survive a shark attack : ‘Shark Week’ special

Today begins the annual television jaw-nt known as “Shark Week.” Sharks didn’t choose this week. The Discovery Channel did. Since 1988, they’ve chosen a week in July or early August each year to feature extensive amounts of shark-based TV programming.

The success of “Shark Week” highlights the intrigue, awe, mystery, and fear that these denizens of the sea continue to generate among humans. After all, there isn’t a similar Scallop Week or Antelope Week that’s broadcast in over 70 countries. While some people love sharks, there are people who are wary of them and even those with galeophobia, which is not the fear of Gaelic festivals, but the fear of sharks. Movies such as Jaws, The Shallows, Deep Blue Sea, Open Water, and the super-realistic Sharknado have certainly contributed to the inaccurate image of sharks as killing machines. Keep in mind that selfies have actually killed more people than sharks in recent years, as I mentioned previously for Forbes. Moreover, other animals such as mosquitoes and dogs regularly kill far more people.

So, if you do spend time in the ocean, it may be helpful for you to know how to survive a shark attack. Of course, the best way to not get hurt by sharks is to avoid a shark attack in the first place. Here are some things that you can do:

• Don’t go into water that has sharks. This is obvious. You will not be attacked by a shark in Costco.
  Do not bleed in the water. Batman asked Superman in a recent movie, “Do you bleed?” Perhaps he was checking if Superman was planning on going swimming. If you are actively bleeding through a wound or menstruation, avoid getting into the ocean. Sharks can sense blood from over a mile away.
• For pee’s sake, stop peeing in the water. If you think no one will notice your peeing in the ocean, urine for a surprise. Urine can also attract sharks.
• Choose the right friends. If you hang out with fish, sea lions, seals, and other things that sharks like to eat, you are putting yourself at risk. Tell the seals, “Sorry, it’s not you, it’s the sharks that are going to eat you,” and find some other place to hang out. At the same time, you may want to stay where other humans are. Sharks are less likely to attack a group of humans than an individual. Plus, one human can warn others that a shark has been sighted. On the same vein, if you see fish, turtles, or others freaking out and saying what seems like “run away, run away,” that may be a warning that a shark is in the vicinity.
• Avoid high-contrast clothes, bling, and excessive splashing. Orange (and yellow) may be the new shark attack. Such bright colors and bright jewelry can attract sharks. Also, don’t make excessive movements and splash around. Basically, do the opposite of whatever you would do in Las Vegas.
• Stay away from places where sharks roam. This includes deeper water and the entrances to harbors.
  Avoid swimming in the dark. You know all those movies that show people skinny dipping at night? Well, many of those movies are horror movies. Bad things can happen when you go swimming in the dark (or dawn or dusk). Visibility for you is down, but not for sharks and other sea creatures.